Baking Cookies and Healing

My Mother loves to bake, it is one of the things she does best. As far back as I can remember the kitchen counter had a plate or two of cookies on it. When I recall my childhood home a sweet aroma instantly fills the air. Some would think my mouth must water with such a memory...but nay it is not my mouth that waters but my heart.

These last 19 days my Mother has not baked any cookies (that is a world record of its own!) My childhood home feels strange, silent...empty. It is as if life has walked out the door and with it the memories of my childhood seem to look up at me like a lost child.

       At the hospital my Father was feeling out of sorts today. He was blue. He is afraid that he will never go home...or never go home to the lifestyle he knew and loved. My Father was not himself. It felt strange, silent and very empty not to have him as I know him...instead he was sad and as usual did not hide his feelings. It is good that he feels free to be honest and share what he is feeling. I believe honesty is healing in itself. Though at this time it is hard to bear witness to it and not be able to change anything about it.

When my Mother bakes cookies she did it without thinking, certainly like prayer, it was her therapy. She would wake up early, and before going to morning Mass she would crack the eggs, cream the butter with the sugar, add the vanilla...with the recipe in her head. My Mother's hands steady and swift made cookies for those she loved, for those who would come to visit, for those who needed cheering up, for those at the rest home, for the neighbors and anyone who asked her for help. Yes making cookies was her way of giving communion to those of us in need.

My Father does not want to have any cookies, not even my Mother's. He does not feel like eating anything because it hurts to eat. My Mother does what she can by tempting him with her love for baking. But he turns a blind eye to her begging him to eat, and then feels sorry for my Mother, and then feels sad that he has made her sad. Though both of them know the reason he does not feel like eating, doesn't have anything to do with her baking or love, or his not wanting her to bake him anything. It is this reality that stings the most...life is changing, their relationship is changing and change is not always easy.

The art of healing, the art of baking cookies, the art of praying, the art of living...

My Mother hasn't baked anything. My Father remains in the hospital, and ever lasting love is what is baking and healing us in this rite of passage called life.

Comments

[Eunice]

I know what it is like when things change irreparably. My Dad died in '82, and my mother just last year. My life is different now, and I miss them both, but they would want me to live my very best, and, starting in the new year, I have begun to do so. It is still hard sometimes, but I do what I can. Give your parents, and yourself, my best, even though we don't know each other personally. I have been praying for you, your mother and father, and your FH and children.
Eunice Oakley, in Washington state.

[Betty C.]

The idea of the empty-feeling home is sad and terrifying. What a beautiful post, though. Love to your whole family.

[rel]

Corey,
Everyday's offering make us grow, whether it be the agony of wittnessing sadness or the savoring of homemade cooies baked in loves oven.
rel

[Julie Ann]

What a very poignant and beautiful expression of a marriage and a family. You continue to find the words when times are tough Corey. what an amazing gift and talent. I hope expressing yourself in this way helps to keep your faith and strength. Sending prayers and very best wishes for a continued recovery for dear Daddy Amos and sincere wishes that Mummy Amos has the will and reason she needs to bake again very soon. Jx

[meredith]

It's so hard to see the changes you're seeing.
Courage et bisous

[Karen C]

Oh, Corey. I feel for you so much. You could be talking about the beautiful evergreen aunt and uncle in my life that are now just hanging on for each other. Why must it end this way for people who have done nothing more than teach others to love?

My parents both passed away before I married and my aunt and uncle stepped into their place. They have become so precious and so fragile - just like the people you now write about.

[Elaine L.]

Oh, Corey,

I went through EXACTLY the same thing last May with my dad. He was sad, depressed, and went through the process of realizing that his life was changing. He didn't feel like eating and it really threw my mom off. Cooking for him was part of how she showed her love.

While he was in the hospital he told me that if he couldn't get back to doing the things he enjoyed, like planting trees, fixing his car, and maintaining the house, that he didn't want to live.

I had to keep telling my father that there was nothing wrong with his mind and while he wasn't physically capable of doing all the things he did before, he was still capable of handling his business affairs and most importantly passing down all his stories to the great grandchildren who dearly love him.

To make a long story short, my dad DID improve and, although his life is not the same, he has made the transition and has learned to enjoy life once again. Your dad will, too.

Love and Prayers to You and Your Family

~elaine~

[gracia]

Keeping you and your family in mind and sending hugs,
g xoxo

[tut-tut]

Corey, you've gotten it down, that empty feeling, the need to fill it, but hunger is now for something different.

[annieb]

what a poignant post - made me remember a time my mum was very ill in hospital and couldn't eat. I visited her on Christmas morning with a little something I had concocted with sweet liquer, sponge and cream, soft, cold and sweet. She managed to eat it and was so grateful, I will never forget her eyes turning towards me, her smile and her saying "that was sinful" (by which she meantt delicious) Hang on in there, and I hope your dad is eating cookies again really soon X

[Kristy]

xxx

[Jeanne]

I love you my darling one........
Big hugs and love and prayers for you all.
Love Jeanne

[nonizamboni]

Lovely words and deep insights. I send you a hug and will keep praying.
Mary Ann

[nancy]

still praying:0 (and stealing some cookies...)
love anncy

[nancy]

i mean !!!
love nancy

[My Melange]

Corey,

Wish I could change all of these things for you my dear friend. I hope your Mom gets the opportunity to bake soon...and that your Dad gobbles up those cookies made with love!!

[Shannon]

It's heartbreaking yet so full of life to see a couple face their mortality together. The youth inside of them is probably having a hard time catching up with what's happening on the outside.

[Edi]

It's hard to see the changes time has wrought in those we love. When we were little, our mothers and fathers were "big and strong"...experts...in control...our place of safety...our place of comfort - and then they grew old. They have become weak...they need our help...our strength...

It's good that you have been able to be there to be the strength and comfort to your parents.

[pauline]

oh, those passages, the great journeys we take, and how we dread going alone. I think it is why we have memories - so that we feel less solitary on our solitary way.

[marita]

familiar recipe as always, the usual aroma filling the home, common gestures never realising they would ever change...
home baked cookies yet they don't tast the same...
thinking of you!

[Paris Parfait]

Such a lovely, bittersweet post Corey. As always, praying for your dad, you and all your family and wishing for better days ahead.

[apt a [berriehead]]

:({{{{HUGS}}}
{still here sweetie pie xoxo:}

[Diogenes]

Dear Corey,

You are a wonderful photographer, but a natural writer. Beautiful phrases and thoughts bloom everywhere on your pages. It is a gift.

I hope your father feels better and stronger soon.

[angela marie]

The art of loving ~

Hugging you (((((Corey)))))

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

[Dee/reddirtramblings]

Hi Corey,

I'm back in town and catching up with my favorite writing. Your story about your Mom's communion is really touching. I may make cookies today.~~Dee

[Star]

So true that each of us has certain things that are familiar and comforting because we have done them a million times over. As you say, I'm sure it is odd not to have that special thing that has unknowingly bound you all together be absent.

Love to you and your family during this time of change.

[susanna]

Hang in there, Corey.

Yes, this must be hard for your whole family. Your dad is going through a transition and not just physically. I remember my dad went through a similar transition after his heart attack and when his heart started acting up again. I think that men, especially in their generation, put so much pressure on themselves to fit a certain definition of what it means to be a Man. My dad was really frustrated with himself, with his diminished physical stength, but eventually he ended up softening his outlook and became more communicative with us. He was always a kind person but there was certainly an inward shift. I actually think it was a good thing for him and for us.

Your mom sounds like a very nuturing soul and it must be hard for her to figure out what she should do to help.

They both must be so happy to have you and your family with them, Corey. It always helps to have loving arms within reach.

[Kas]

We are listening to your heart Corey, listening and sitting so close we can almost feel every beat.

[misti]

My grandmother fell last September and for several months was in a rehab facility. She went through so many ups and downs and now, months later, she's finally in an apartment community with other seniors. It was incredibly tough seeing her act in a way I'd never known her to act. To see her mean, spiteful, hurtful. To everyone.

These changes are incredible and really catapult you into life.

[Sandy]

Corey,
Your post today squeezed my heart with rememberance of my beloved Uncle Charlie, today I will honor him by making his favorite soup and I will remember.

Still lifting you to the Father. May grace and peace be with you, may strength and comfort clothe you, and may love enfold you.

[Melissa's Cozy Teacup]

Merry heart doeth good like a medicine.
It's one of my favorite bible verses. He may not feel like it and this may sound odd, but see if you can take him his favorite movie to him at the hospital. Maybe everyone can chip in and buy a portable dvd player with its own screen. I was able to find one on sale and I love it. A comedy or something light hearted. Laughter is so powerful, so healing. Or an audio comedy skit. something. Don't let him stay in the doldrums.

[Marilyn]

Oh, Corey, sending love to all of you. My heart squeezed a bit when I saw that first photo...my grandmother had a sifter just like that. And just like your mother, she ALWAYS baked cookies. That was the first thing my cousins and I did when we blew in her front door...ran to the cookie jar to see what we could get our grubby little hands on. I don't remember a time when that cookie jar was empty...EVER. I act like baking cookies is a huge production...reading this made me realize that to women like your mother and my grandmother, it's simply a part of daily life. Beautiful post.

[Lynne]

Life is for the living! Bake those cookies, eat the. Give thanks for all the warm, wonderful times and keep the Faith!
God Bless

[Elaine]

Corey, I do understand where you are at this time in your lives. Your Dad is a tough, crusty sort of character that has the tenacity to get through this. I send my love to you all.

[beachy]

The sweetness of this post is evidence of tha love that is pouring down on your family, Corey.

[carlene]

Such lovely, bittersweet writing. You have a gift.

My thoughts/prayers/good vibes are with your family.

[Carolyn]

Dear dear Corey, you tugged on many a heartstring of mine this morning reading this. how well I remember seeing my parents at this point in their life...there for them, just as you are there for yours, but sometimes feeling like I was on the outside looking in at their life intimately changing for them, and wishing I could hand back their younger years and turn the clock backwards. Sometimes being the child as an adult sure is hard eh? I'm tucking you closely and your Mom and Dad too. and I think that you should need cookies, homemade with love by your mom's hands. It will make her bake, and that will be a place of comfort for her while making them. Maybe just taking a dish with a few on for your Dad, seeing them before him he would change his mind about the not wanting. Also, keep in mind that sometimes medicines cause a depressive state, no matter how slight or major to happen to a person, or even the going off of some that someone was on, and some of this "low" could be a little chemical adjustment as well to his body and his mind, and spirit. I think your fathers reality is just that reality of his own mortality and how wonderful he chooses to be honest and share those emotions. All I know is, my heart embraces you all with much love as you go this stretch of the journey of "Life and Loving."

[cruststation]

This 'bite' into the cookie of love runs deep, abundant yet painful.

[Suzanne]

Everlasting love sent directly to you and yours Dear(sweet) Corey*

[martina]

The medications your Dad is on for now may be messing with his emotions right now. The situation of course is a big factor. How about having your mother bake cookies and bring them to the hospital? They can be by your father's bedside and be offered to the staff and visitors. We don't want your Mom to lose her love and delight in baking those good cookies. Your Dad can brag about his wonderful wife's baking skills and the staff will like the treat. When our older patients bring in homemade cookies we all enjoy them-maybe that is why there is an unspoken law that when you start working in a medical office you gain 5 lbs.

[annieelf]

Holding you and your mom and dad close to my heart. Yesterday's Mass intention was again for your dad, dear friend. Love, Annie

[rochambeau]

Dear Corey,
Martina's idea of having your mom bring cookies up to the hospital is and excellent idea!

I was just downstairs baking cookies, some are in the oven right now. I relate to your mother very much. Cookies are a symbol of love. In fact today I was thinking about infusing love into my cookies. I will say a prayer over them and dedicate this batch of love for your Mom.

You know Corey, all this must be just as hard on her right now. As you stated above, it's hard to be powerless over being able to help the ones you love!!

Sending Kisses of Hazelnut Biscotti, and a wink and a prayer from the pink cookie with the marzipan rose. ;-)

xox
Constance

[Christi from Charm & Grace]

Corey, what your mother has done for you with her cookies over and over... you do for us with your words. Healing laughter, healing tears, healing insights into the human spirit... those are your communion gifts to us. A wonderful offering from a wonderful weaver or words...

Sending thanks and prayers your way,

Christi
of Charm & Grace

[Cheryl]

Corey, I thought of this Bible verse when I was reading today's blog: Pleasant words are as a honeycomb, sweet to the mind and healing to the body (Proverbs 16:24). Your Dad may not feel like feeding his physical body right now, but everyone can feed his mind and spirit by surrounding him with pleasant words. I know you and your family have constantly been doing that! I am still praying!

[Alina]

The photos and words are, once again, truly beautiful. I would love to be able to sink my teeth into one of those cookies. Perhaps, when your mother returns to baking again, your father wouldn't mind taking a bite for me? I would appreciate it.

[stephanie s]

you, and your family, are in my thoughts corey.

[Brenda Lutyk]

I wish your were closer so that I could bake some cookies for you, your family and especially your mother. Maybe they would provide her with some of the love and support I am sure her cookies have given to so many over the years. Please fill your father's room with love and laughter so that he can go home soon. All of my love is with you.

[somepinkflowers]

oh, dear, sweetie,
your story so touches my heart
on many levels...

so difficult to be the daughter
growing older herself
who watches
over her own parents
as their lives taper thinner...

so many of us out here
are going through this same heartache.
we thank you ever-so
for your wisdom in selecting
the best words
to comfort us all...

:-)

by feeding
those we love
we often find joy;
by reading
that we are not alone
when sadness arrives,
we sometimes discover our private peace.

[Jeni]

Oh Corey, I've been away from your blog for a while and return to find you struggling with life and death issues. Having just lost my mother 5 short months ago, my heart aches with yours. I found that dealing with dying taught me so much about life and what is important. It is a potent time for you, I know. Oddly enough, I also realized that baking was very therapeutic for me during my mother's death and afterwards, so I understand you mother's need to bake!

[missy]

Oh,Corey,
your words remind all of us of the holiness
of witnessing....communion--full or empty,good or bad--life is a miracle everyday,every minute. Thank you for sharing the truth. Continued prayers for you and yours.Kindest regards,Missy

[Lea]

Just checking in... being with your words and images... loving you and your family... your mom's hands look like your hands...

[herhimnbryn]

My Dear One,
My thoughts are with you all, but your Mother in particular today.

[Rosemary]

It makes me sad too Corey.
Change is so very hard.
I don't like it.
I keep you and your family in my prayers.
Rosemary

[ally bean]

That is quite a situation-- a situation which must have its own grace in it somewhere. Caring and honesty always count for something good. It seems to me that change that is foisted on a person is always difficult to get used to. Especially when the person is feeling lousy sitting in a hospital bed. Keep the faith darling, this will all sort itself out.

[Mari-Nanci]

Earlier today, I read a blog entry, which spoke of older hands. And I remembered how you love to photograph hands. So I left a link to here, in that woman's comments. And lo and behold, your entry today, has photographs of your mother's hands... Synchrinosity...

As to the words of this entry... You are an artist with words, as well as with your camera. I can feel the family sorrow. I wish I could gently hug you and ... And that's all I could really do. Just gently hug you.

Life lessons are hard. But you already know that. We all know it. But knowing it, doesn't make them much easier...

Gentle hugs,
Mari-Nanci

[marge]

Just checking in Corey . I am continuing prayers for your dad and for your family.A very heart touching post.Many, many hugs to you.

[Alice]

Corey...I am still keeping you and your family close to my heart.

A smile is cheer to you and me
The cost is nothing-it's given free
It comforts the weary-gladdens the sad
Consoles those in trouble-good or bad
To rich and poor-beggar or thief
It's free to all of any belief
A natural gesture of young and old
Cheers on the faint-disarms the bold
Unlike most blessings for which we pray
It's one thing we keep when we give it away!

Sending you a smile today!

[gayle]

I have been travelling and having guests so I am just reading your many posts about your Father and family. More prayers and love are coming to all of you. My MIL just left Fl. today for her home in Mn. She is 87 and sick and frail. It is so hard to see a formerly vital person grow weak. I baked cookies (Angel cookies) for her on Sat. She did eat many of them with her weak Mn. dishwater coffee and would sit and talk to us for a few minutes before she went back to her naps. Your writings touch my heart as always. Thank you, love, Gayle

[Mo'a]

So touching and so true...some life changes can be sweet and others are hard to digest.
I can feel with you...I am going through much the same thing with my parents...particularly my Father...although he is not in the hospital he is dealing with many of the same issues...cancer and the sadness of the end being near. Humor and prayers are our ammunition.
My thoughts are with you, your Father and your family.

[Pat]

Corey, my heart aches for you and your parents. You all are in my thoughts, daily.

Pat

[Chris]

Beautiful Corey,
Thanks for the update on your Dad, painful as it is. I'll keep the prayers coming. This is hard. I know the power of cookies baked with love. I can imagine the pain of those cookies rejected.
Lots of love to you, my dear.

[Hasmin]

((hugs)) to you dearest Corey, and to your Mom and Dad. Prayers and good thoughts are always sent your way.

[Sandy]

It is so hard when things change in the family never to be the same again. I always felt so safe there at home growing up. Then my father passed away suddenly. Many years later my brother passed away & my mother had to move due to health reasons & now I am the mother to her. Her old home has been completely remodeled (modernized) by a stranger & I barely recognize it anymore. The knotty pine kitchen cabinets have been thrown away. The outside barbeque my father built has been thrown away. The brick fireplace was ripped out & replace with a slick new marble flat one. But ... life goes on & at least we will always have our memories.

[Colette]

my dearest Corey, I am moved to the core. My heart aches for you, for your maman. Courage, ma brave. xoxoxo

[Beth]

It's tough - I know, but I pray that God's grace will be sufficient. I'm clinging to the hope that your Father will be well enough to come home from the hospital soon and that he will enjoy his sweet bride's cookies again and again. My prayers continue to be with you and your family.

[Lisa-Vet]

Hang in there Corey, your not alone. God Bless you and your family.

[Jan Hughes]

Corey, I've enjoyed your blog so much, and thought of you all weekend. I spent the weekend at Kaiser Hospital, in North Sacramento (I'm from Palo Alto, in the Bay Area) because my sister had emergency surgery for a brain tumor. We were very lucky, and she's now doing very well, but for a few hours I had to watch my sister dying, as I watched my mother die a few years ago. It's so hard, and my heart goes out to you. Keep the faith, amiga, and thank you so much for always reminding us of the power of love.

Take care of yourself, and good luck.

Jan Hughes

[Caffienated Cowgirl]

Life changes so much that sometimes it's hard to recognize it. Keep strong and wait for the adjustment.

[patpaulk]

I bet they are some of the best ever made. Being in a hospital is enough to make you sad. Still praying. You don't mind if I snitch one of these cookies, do you?

[mary]

lovely !

[Betty]

Corey,
You know God is very honest with us when He says we will have tribulations in this life....and sweet friend, I know you, your Mother, Dad and family are going through some of these....it breaks our hearts to see things change that we don't want to change....but also He goes on to say, "I have overcome these things and you shall also"....I know He will see you through.....Betty