Framing Memories

Are memories selective? Do we pick which ones we want to keep, and which ones we want to forget? Is it possible to heal past memories or see them in a new light?

Why is it that two people can experience the same thing, at the same time, and yet have a different recollection about the moment? Why is it that some memories are crystal clear, and others faded and fringed?

Memories have a way of shaping us, and they can frame our personalities.

Our memories are a source of conversation, they come up, over and over as if needing air. There are memories buried underneath other memories, layers upon layers, like photos stacked in a box waiting to be sorted.

Yesterday, when I spoke to my Father, he said regarding the post about his birthday, "I wasn't that good of a Father. I could have been better." I said I thought he was the best Father for me, and that I didn't agree with him. I could almost see his sideway smile and hear his heart sigh. He said, "If you remember me like that then so be it, and I am glad."

As I was talking with my Father, a memory came to my mind of a conversation I had 30 years ago with my Grandmother about my Father's birth. The memory was crystal clear as if my Grandmother was there whispering in my ear and nudging me to tell him. Have you ever felt like that? Where a memory comes to you as if it is pushed to the surface for a reason?

As I shared the memory with my Father, I realized that my Dad had never heard the story about his birth. My Grandmother was at home and alone when she went into labor. She had called the doctor, and he was on his way. But she feared he wouldn't make it on time. My Grandmother squatted, holding on to the bedpost for support. She said it was the most difficult labor out of all the seven she had experienced. The doctor arrived just in time to catch my Dad who weighed over 12 pounds.

"....and she named you George, after the Doctor, who came just in time," I said to my Dad.

"What? I was named after the Doctor? I thought I was named after George Washington? My brother Daniel, was named after Daniel Boone! So I assumed I was named after the first president of America." He laughed, "You mean to tell me, on my eightieth birthday, that I was named George, because of the doctor!? Well, all be darn. Burst my bubble"

Memories are there to show us who we are and where we have come from.

photos: 19th century, French antique picture frames, at the flea market. More often than not when you find these type of picture frames, they are chipped at the corner. Are any memories perfectly intact?

Comments

[ParisBreakfasts]

You reminded me...
My father's name was George too.
And I have NO idea who he was named after nor do I know the story of his birth :)
He was one of 7 children too...
Lovely, thought-provoking post again Corey.
Merci

[Jeanne]

I love all of your stories.
We had big babies in our family too.............
God bless your Dad and all of you.
Love You

[Shannon]

At 80 years old, his daughter taught him something new about himself (his birth and name). That must've been the greatest gift.

My father chose my middle name after Daniel Boone's wife, by the way :)

[Penny]

What a lovely way to illustrate your words today. Those old frames, and the old pictures in them were faded and chipped like many of our memories.

[patpaulk]

Corey, what a marvelous memory to recount. I'm sure you gave you Dad a much needed chuckle. I'm sure his heart is warmed by all his memories of you.

[Dawn Edmonson]

Beautiful post, Corey. I love, love reading your words ~ have a wonderful day! Dawn

[constance]

I bet your post delighted your Dad yesterday! I'm sure it was a surprise birthday gift to tell him who he was named after!

You have presented the idea of layered memories in a creative and thought provoking way. Isn't it interesting how one person can remember different details of a memory than another person?

[Marie-Noëlle]

Remembering parts of a few French songs that match my idea of your father (through what you've reported) - I cannot recollect the full lyrics...but I want to share those lines with you...

You could have sung this to your mum with Lynda Lemay :
"Comment t'as pu trouver,
Un homme qui n'a pas peur
Qui promet sans trembler
Qui aime de tout son cœur
J'le disais y a longtemps
Mais pas d'la même manière
T'as d'la chance maman
Le plus fort c'est mon père"

And your father could have sung this together with you (originally sung by J-J. Goldman (French) and M. Jones (Welsh):
"Je te donne , donne , donne ce que je suis

I can give you my voice, bred with rythm and soul,
je te donne mes notes , je te donne ma voix
the songs that i love, and the stories i've told
ce que j'imagine et ce que je crois
i can make you feel good even when i'm down
les raisons qui me portent et ce stupide espoir
my force is a platform that you can climb on
une épaule fragile et forte à la fois
je te donne, je te donne tout ce que je vaux , ce que je suis, mes dons,
mes défauts, mes plus belles chances, mes differences...

He's always by you, from daffodils to late lilac (= all year through) - words by another French singer ... can't recover her name just now...

[Marie-Noëlle]

I wanted to add: beautiful memorable shots you're sharing here!

[Elizabeth]

What a sweet conversation and thanks for sharing it!! I know it must have meant so very much to your dad...having grandchildren already ourselves, I can tell you such comments are so very special!!

[Paula]

Corey ~ Thanks for sharing your tender moment with me. I wish I could reach out and hug you.

[angela marie]

Your posts are always thought provoking. Things I catch myself pondering all day. They give me hope, and to know that there is still goodness in the world.

You were meant to tell your dad about this. Memories are gifts.

Thankyou for sharing this with us.

[stephanie s]

i think memories are supposed to be chipped at the corners, that way they become our own. thank you for sharing yours with us.

[ally bean]

How funny that you're birthday gift to your dad was a story that "burst his bubble." He seemed to take it well, though. Now the question is: how will you frame this memory?

[Marilyn]

What a wonderful, wonderful post. In answer to the first three questions: in my opinion, yes, yes and yes. ;)

[susan]

family stories are the best!

[Paris Parfait]

What a precious memory and wonderful family story! Just beautiful, Corey.

[martina]

Isn't it great that your Grandmother told you this story? Otherwise it would have never been known. My dad was named after a character in a romance novel his aunt was reading. Sylvester! He told me he always wished he had a nice normal guy name..like George.

[melly]

Sweet, sweet, sweet....

Good thing I am not at that flea market. All of those frames would have come home with me. I especially like things that are chipped and a less than perfect; a reflection of life. Acceptance of life.

[Lorene]

Corey,

Great post this morning. I chuckled at your Dad's reaction to the story about his birth.

Lorene

[Star]

The story of your dad's birth should have been shared with him long ago; how fortunate it came to mind yesterday.

My own memory is terrible; I have very few memories that are not a result of pictures reviewed many times or family stories told over and over.

Love to you, Corey

Star

[The French Nest]

As usual a wonderful and thoughtful post, Corey. I'm sure telling your dad that story was one of the best birthday gifts he could have received. I, like you, have wonderful memories of my childhood and have been so fortunate to have been given two loving parents and a brother who inspires me everyday. Thank you for sharing your memories Corey, and making us so fortunate for all that we have!

[Vanessa]

I love your story. Oh, your cute little dad! What a sweetheart! Wow, your grandmother must have been one tough lady, I'll tell ya that! WOW! 12lbs???? 7 kids? Holy Toleedo!!!I am so glad you shared that story with him. I have to say, I adore my memories. I could lie in bed with the breeze passing by me, dreaming with my memories....Now, anyone who knows me would say, her, in bed, dreaming...She never sits still...Oh but, I am now taking the time to sit and dream and reflect and remember, and I love it...xxo,Vanessa

[BOSSY]

Bossy once took a Pictorial Anthropology class which basically asserted that most of our memories are "framed" by the family photographs that marked the occasion. Bossy likes to mention this because whenever she can type the words 'Pictorial Anthropology' into one sentence she feels very smart.

[frieda]

you said,"Why is it that two people can experience the same thing, at the same time, and yet have a different recollection about the moment? "

I think we see the world from within, from our internal filters, from our internal prejudices, and we see them through our hearts. I know negative people who see life as a torture chamber and I know peaceful people who can not see evil in anything. It's amazing how it works.

Great thought provoking post..have a marvelous day! ;-)

[Rue]

As always a joy to read. Memories some come easy and some need alittle help or so my children think. When we are altogether somtimes these memories have different ending.

[AnnieElf]

Reading this today Corey, I felt a very personal tug to the topic. Your presentation made something very uncomfortable, comfortable.

[Miz Booshay]

Oh my!
12 pounds!
Your daddy George is a gem,
no matter where his name came from...

I actually like naming a child after the person who brought them into this world...safely :o)

Pretty pictures!

[Beachy]

How appropriate that YOU were the one able to share that memory with your father on his special birthday! Gives me goosebumps, although I do sense some "fate" to these things sometimes! =)

[Di Overton]

Poor George. What a lovely story. I miss my Dad every day he was my soul mate.

[Becca]

Your pictures and stories of your dad bring tears to my eyes. My own dad would be 80 years old too (we lost him over 12 years ago)....
Thank you for sharing these sweet stories! Dads are great!!

[Kathy L. Patrick]

Corey,
Constance Muller was in my Hair Salon/Book Store, Beauty and the Book this week as we were planning a trip to see her designer handbags at a gallery exhibit here in Texas. She was telling me about your fabulous photographs and your blog site. Exquisite is the only word I find close enough to expressing the delight I found in your site. The visual images with your visual imagery of words is divine.

Kathy L. Patrick

[cruststation]

I like how you spotted the chip detail, sharp corners in memories can be rounded through time. We often try to wipe out the bad, keeping the good. Sometimes we even idealise a person and realise as time passes that the rose tinted memories are no longer so. Photo framed memories, what a poetic idea (my mum love frames)!

[Betty at Country Charm]

Corey,
Happy Belated Birthday to your Dad.....

Your grandmother had a strong spirit as well as a strong body. Imagine a 12 pound baby born natural......Wow!

[blueVicar]

Oh, Corey, you don't know how true this all is. I love it when synchronous events occur in my life, like little guideposts to say that I am going the right way.

Thank you.

Meilleurs voeux!!

[Amber]

"She said it was the most difficult labor out of all the seven she had experienced. The doctor arrived just in time to catch my Dad who weighed over 12 pounds."-- GULP!! LOL!

This sweet post made my day. Happiest of days to your dad.

:)

[Blue]

I just love that you picked up on your Grandmother's nudge. You are one clever lady. I am so glad you shared that with your Dad. Even our children have so much to teach us, even at the age of 80!!!

[Pauline Clarke]

Such interesting questions about memory. And such a wonderful way of telling your dad how much he means to you. This was a particularly beautiful post...

[simple me]

"Memories are like books hidden in the dust" ...
from a portuguese poem.
Thank you for opening these books with us.

[heidi]

corey, everytime i visit your blog i feel like you are leaving me snippets of treasures i'm actually going to hold in my hand - soon we'll be in paris! and of course you always touch my heart - you are a fortunate woman to have such a lovely dad who gave you so much love. i have a feeling you two are a lot alike. happy birthday father amaro!

[Gypsy Purple-Chamara]

What a great post......you were in my head this week!!
Happy belated birthday wishes to your dad!! Just LOVE the pictures....you are blessed

[Anastasia]

...'Burst my bubble'...haha your dad made me laugh!
beautiful thoughts and those frames are wonderful!!!

[Unfolding Rose]

Brilliant story, and love the frames!
I have been trying to wade through layers of memories recently and have been surprised by how deeply some can be buried. I think we frame our memories as we frame our experiences. And just as we can learn to perceive life differently, so too can we learn to see our memories in a different light. In fact, both of these changes seem to come hand in hand...!

[Catalina]

Beautiful post Corey! and yes, memories come out to tell us "another side of the story" our side. A big hug

[Mountain Dweller]

A beautifully written post. It does us good to take a trip down memory lane every now and again.

[shabbyinthecity]

Ouch! 12 lbs.
Those frames are so wonderful...
Some memories I have, I think "what if I hadn't just now thought of that" and wonder if I would have ever remembered it again if I hadn't...

[swati]

what a wonderful note on memories. You are so very right about the selectiveness of memories. There are times when I feel the same way about city spaces. Whichever city you are in, you try and find out simillar city spaces to match to your own city.

[Karen]

What a gorgeous, gorgeous post. Thank you for sharing!