Tongue in Cheek

The Rosary

                        

Last night we entered the church early and sat up front. The community came later and sat behind us. The feeling to sit in a large church, silently with others is one that creates my heart to feel connected to something beyond.

Though last night as my family and I sat upfront, I did not know who or if anyone was behind us. It was that quiet, that peaceful, a silent night....

When the priest started to say the rosary the response from behind was incredible. Like a tidal wave of love pouring over us, flooding our hearts, washing us of our sorrow, holding us up...

The beauty of living in a small town and witnessing the lives of many interconnected.

Last night I felt joy! I felt the love my father and mother have planted with years of devotion to their faith, their family, friends and community.

Thank you also blogging community for your tremendous support...

I will read the eulogy today. I have gathered courage and a big splash of support from your holding me up these last few months.

I am doubly lucky and it feels so good.

Let the Spirit Move You

                        

1. French Husband arrived for my father's funeral and will stay a few days.

2. School, the distance, and timing do not permit Chelsea and Sacha to come; Though they arrive in early June.

2A. I am trying not to think that French husband and I are in California while our children are clear across the world....

3. The amount of incredible food that keeps coming into my mother's home makes the scale tip higher and higher. Who has willpower at a time like this?

4. Holding emotion in is exhausting.

5. Funerals are exhausting too.

6. The eulogy...or I should say the blank piece of paper starring me in the face is haunting. Where do I begin? Each time I try to put something down on paper I see my father in the dark hospital room and his gallant desire to live... and I hear myself telling him to let go- Three months of bearing witness to my father's heroic effort and his dying days has my heart far too sad to create a worthy eulogy.

7. My sister in laws are the best beyond helpful and supportive.

8. Having little children around is natural healing medicine.

9. My mother... my brothers keep my father ever on their lips. Story after story.

10. I must focus on the eulogy.... please, please, please give me the words to share and the courage to speak without turning into a puddle. Where does one begin?

Blue Skies

Blue skies partly cloudy,

A dream like state called reality,

Rainstorms in the middle of nowhere or-

Tears mixed with laughter... as each person recalls and relives memories of my father. I feel him in their stories and see him in their eyes. He lives in their hearts. Oh memories!

A sacred time before the wake...flowers, food, friends, feasting on family.

The normal everyday question, "How are you?"

I am here...blue skies, partly cloudy, big chance of rain.

Swing High

A steady stream of family and friends pour in giving us their hearts to float on...

We pass through these days with memories of my father coming to the surface, we hold each like a treasure from the bottom of the sea, a ripple of joy extends, it is healing.

My five year old niece Molly was on the swing set in the back yard, swinging back and forth giggly cute. Suddenly she looks at me seriously, drags her feet bringing the swing to a stand still... She jumps off, comes up to me and says, "Aunt Coco are you sad that Vo died?" I responded that I was very sad. With that she says, "I think you need a hug."

Her hug was like a sweet life jacket in these days of swelling emotion.

Celebration of Life

George Amaro

St Monica's Catholic Church

Willows, California

Rosary: Sunday, May4, 2008 at 8:00 p.m.

Celebration Eucharist and Reception:  Monday, May 5, 2008  at 10:00 a.m.

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Thank you for your loving prayers, generous support and friendship.

The Bottom of the Sea

Have you ever walked with your thoughts on an endless path? Where you vaguely remember where they started and are unsure where they will end?

Seeing the vast horizon, wondering what will stir up from the bottom of the sea, knowing that the water runs deep, even if your toes cannot find a spot to dip in. Reaching into the empty pocket, and not finding a map?

The current sands shift, the fullness of the moon illuminates a new path, the silence like a soothing song... hauntingly new... where the soul leads the way; days and nights blend peacefully with a slow steady rainfall.

Thoughts upon thoughts, layering past and present, where answers aren't important or searched for. A rare truth is given when we look at mystery square in the eye and let it unravel as it will, trusting that a grace once obtain isn't lost.

Thank you for your guiding light and friendship.

April 29, 2008

My father's mother and father were standing at heaven's gate with their arms outstretched, smiling, calling their son's name, "George George come we have missed you!" Their faces full of light, their hearts bursting with joy! Behind them stood his family who have gone before him: Uncle Daniel, Uncle Elmer, Uncle Jules and Aunt Frannie, Aunt Marie, Aunt Velma, Uncle Harold, Uncle Ed, Uncle Al, Uncle Joe, Uncle Edmund, Uncle John, Baby John, my mother's parents Frances and John, his nieces and nephews Beverly, Michael and Jonathon... and so many others.... smiling, laughing, running towards him.

Then I saw us... Standing by his bed. His eyes memorizing our faces, his heart holding us with a song singing good bye, tenderly.

Oh beautiful life.

Oh beautiful death.

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We stood by his bed through out the night, in prayer, in silence, letting him go.

I had my hand on his heart and felt his last heart beat.

Oh Joy

Oh heaven with your gate wide and welcoming!

Dad, Oh Dad, I saw you as a child running, running into your families welcoming arms!

The Ride: the ups, the downs and the curve at the end of the road.

             

Where does one begin...

My father asked me, "What should I do? What would you do Corey?"

The words that came from my heart ached my mind causing my back to tighten and my legs to wobble.

A decision was taken based on my words.

Had I known life was like this I would have lived it more wildly somewhere along the line. That is not to say that I regret how I have lived, but more-so to say that I have been silly at times not to have jumped and splashed in the puddle- to take advantage of the life I have been given.

My father in the misery of these 87 days in the hospital has shown me that he holds life strongly, preciously in his hands. His will to live astounds me. I would and have given up in far far less of a stressful situation.

When the decision came to either go back into the ICU for more aggressive treatments (that cannot be done in the DCU the section of the hospital that he is presently resting)... My father was asked what he wanted to do.

                                                               

He turned to me and asked, "What should I do? What would you do Corey?"

I told him what I would do, and he nodded acceptingly. Oh God, how my father's asking and accepting willingly my response has haunted me, and yet made me feel the loving trust my father has placed on me.

Photo: All the photos on my blog since February 3rd have been photos I have had on stock. These were of last summer: The Honda 90 Ride.

Thank you Friends

                   

Thank you for the generous outpouring of love, affection and prayers that many of you have offered my family and myself. I am overwhelmed and blessed by your generous support.

During this difficult time I cannot respond to each and every email and comment I receive... I wish that I could. Though I do read every comment and email (more than once I might add) and take comfort in your words. Your names are familiar to me and when I see your name it is like seeing a friend's smile.

Thank you for sharing your friendship with a stranger, for adding hope and light to my days.

Flickering Light

We are like a crystal suspended by a silver thread, a strong arm, and with a soul... floating in the university. Reflecting light, holding light and as the Light passes through us we are alive sending out a multitude of tinted light...rose, green yellow, blue....violet too.

When our Mothers carry us in their womb a different glow radiates from their being, and when our hour comes to go beyond here and now, the light flickers waving at us to understand, to grasp, to hold on, to let go.... to follow.

Without light there is darkness, a stillness, another journey.

My father's light flickers less today. With mixed emotion I hold on to the light above that filters through the university, and cry.... "Your will be done, your will be done."