- Four years ago today my Father passed away. Four years. Though the memories I have of him are living reminders that a love shared cannot be erased.
- My Godchild George (8) sent me an email late last night saying he missed Vo (my Father's name to his Grandchildren) and did I had any photos of him that I could send.
- My Godchild George was four when my Father died. Four years old, and yet he has memories that make his heart ache too.
- Love is like that: It doesn't matter how old you are, or how deep it penetrates, once it touches your heart you are never the same.
Kübler-Ross lists that there are five stages that a grieving person goes through. The five stages are: Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, then acceptance.
I remember shortly after my Father died I slept a great deal. One early morning, I had barely opened my eyes-- I saw my mom dusting my bed frame. I asked, "Mom are you dusting, or am I dreaming?" She replied through a steady stream of sadness, "I just have to keep busy."
Keeping busy is one way to cope with the sense of loss. My way was sleeping a great deal. Both were ways of denials: We were trying to avoid the overbearing sadness.
Grief must be felt one way or another. It will take you down an unknown path, but eventually it leads one to acceptance.
- Last month while I was home I noticed that my Mother was more herself than she had been since my Father had died. That the mask that grief puts on us was less evident.
- Grief takes time to go through. Sadness has many masks, losing someone we love marks deeply who we are and how we live our days.
- When I saw my Mother I felt her courage... I realized that grief has a path of its own, being on it is not easy... but I also saw that letting go of grief (or acceptance as Kubler-Ross states) is not easy either! In someway it can feel like we are forgetting the person we have been grieving for. Letting go of grief can feel like we do not care as much. The sad label of grief marks us as remembering, holding on, where a smile can seems to say we no longer remember. Moving on from grief does not mean we are moving away from the one who has died, it means we are living with loss anew, and that takes a ton of courage.
- My family has given me courage... and if I can be half as strong and as loving as they have shown me, then I am heading on a good path.