New Year's Day is not just another day. Though sometimes I wish it were. New Year's Day has a way of getting under my skin pushing up memories of the past years to the surface. New Year's Day feels like someone opens my front door, takes the rug off the floor and shakes it out the window of my being. Buried feelings, promises not kept, ideas that never made it to form, words said, words not said, paths not taken....
As the emotional dust billows over head I found myself contemplating on what needs to be cleaned up and how to let go of things that don't need to be around anymore. And yes... of course I swept a few things back under the rug.
Last night I had a quiet dinner with friends who live outside of our village. (French Husband, Sacha and Fabrice went skiing. They left a few days ago. I encouraged them to do so, "Go! Honestly go, I don't mind being alone for New Year's Eve. Honestly, really I don't mind. You guys will have fun" And they left for a week's ski trip in the French Alps.) After we brought in the New Year, I walked home alone. Down the hill, under the moon, along the little road with the cold misty night air, scented with pine and rosemary filling my senses. I listened to the sound of my feet on the path, listened to the night birds singing, and as I approached the center of the village I heard a few champagne corks pop. I felt a rush of happiness.
The dust cloud settled. The feelings of "New Year" paved evenly underfoot and the moon came out from behind the cloud. I unlocked the front door walked in to our house and felt home.
I promise to put up a Christmas tree next year.
I promise to go skiing next time.
I promise be more like my niece Kate (who is four years old) who tries anything because she wants to be a big girl.
I promise to let go of the feeling that I have abandon my family in America by marrying a French Man.
I promise to embrace all the imperfections in me and claim them my own.
I promise to bake more cakes.
I promise not to worry if I do not keep any of these promises after today.
What do you hope the New Year will bring?
