A Journey

French Husband and the children, the little bit of France that has been with me while in California, leave for France on Sunday. It will feel strange to be here without them... In the twenty years that I have lived in France I have only been "home to California" twice without my family. Once was for my Father's 7Oth birthday and the other time was for my dear Aunt Frannie's funeral.

Before French Husband and I were married we knew we would reside in France...though I had no idea that we were going to live in France for the rest of our lives. The rest of my life! ...can you imagine such a change of pace? I honestly believed that we would live in France for a few years then return to California and live here for the rest of our lives.

When the reality dawned on me that the land of antiques and baguettes was going to be my home for a very very very long time I made French Husband promise me one thing- That we would "come home" to visit my family at least once a year. That promise has stayed true and firm.

That promise allows our children to know my family intimately, it also enabled them to experience two cultures, and if the real truth be known it gave me a strong shot of love American style.

When you live far from home, and I mean faraway from home you know there is always a good reason to go back to visit everyday. You soon realize that 22 hours is equal to a journey to the moon. You soon swallow the reality that just because you would love to watch your godchild make his first communion, or see one of your best friend marry, or celebrate your brother's 4Oth, or your brother's super cool Halloween party, or your first cousin's autumn get- together, or your 3Oth class reunion... you simply cannot come back for 95% of the collective memory making that will happen everyday forever. When you live faraway from home you will miss many things that connect you to who you are, and many more moments that will connect you to the collective unconsciousness of your family and friends. The reality of that knowledge can be a hard bite to swallow most of the time.

So when my father took ill, and the days turned into weeks and the weeks ahead have no end in sight- French Husband and I are facing a twist we knew might happen one day- I will stay in California and they will go back to France. The journey ahead is a beautiful mystery- I sure hope to have the courage and grace to walk it.

Comments

[Anna]

Corey...you ARE courage and grace!

[Betty C.]

Your case sounds much like mine. We "started out" living in France, dreaming of a life where we could spend six months here and six months there -- that doesn't work out very well when kids come along though.

I still don't reason in terms of "the rest of my life," but I am amazed that's it's been nearly 18 years already.

[Pam]

I can imagine what a wrench it must be to send FH and the children back to France. How wonderfully, wonderfully supportive Yann is, and understanding of your need to be with your parents at this time. I'm sure it's tearing him up to have to leave you to face the challenge alone. Praying for you several times everyday! Love, Pam

[tinker]

What hard choices to make, Corey. You show so much courage, grace, faith and wisdom in your writings here, somehow I feel confident you will continue to make the choices that are right for you and your family. Continuing to send thoughts and prayers for you, your dad, your family.((hugs))

[Susan]

Corey,

"Courage and Grace" are two things that I have no doubt you have enough of, sometimes it's hard for us to feel it in ourselves. You and your father and your family are in my thoughts and prayers everyday.

[M-Noëlle]

A hard decision indeed...

Mind you, the journey will be a beautiful mystery for your family too, especially for the boys (as Chelsea will go back to Aix) !

New experiences to exchange ...
I think they will feed your blog in the future...

Thinking of you and of your family and moreover of your father !

[le petit cabinet de curiosites]

wonderful post !
You will have the COURAGE to walk it !

[y]

corey, you are in my thoughts everyday these days. sending you & your family lots of love.

[Mountain Dweller]

French husband is a gem Corey. When you love and are loved the journey is always easier, even when you're a long way from home.

[Kit]

You put it so well Corey as always! I don't have such a big family left behind in England to miss - there is just my mother and a sprinkling of cousins htere now, but it is still the everyday things that you miss out on. I'm glad you can be there for however long you need to and I'm sure your own little family will miss you loads but they'll be fine too.

The quote in my diary this week is from Mother Theresa: I know that God won't give me more than I can handle .. I just wish He didn't trust me so much!

Sending you lots of love for the weeks ahead.

[Britt-Arnhild in Norway]

We never know what tomorrow will bring. Our task is to live today and live it fully, in God's love and blessings.
You have some very hard decisions to make Corey. As always you are in my prayers.

[Caffienated Cowgirl]

Beautifully written. Maintaining the ties to family while living overseas can be a difficult thing. You should remain thankful that your dear husband keeps his promise. And as for the coming days without them...take it with a mix of joy that you are able to be there at all :)