Going Barefoot

My daughter is growing up. I stare at her is disbelief. Wasn't it a few days ago that I was singing, "This little piggy goes to the market, this little piggy stays home?"

Chelsea is looking at universities for next year. She talks casually about it as if she was trying on shoes. Nearly, every weekend she visits schools to see if they'll fit. "These are nice, but not for the long run. Those are fun but not really practical. Check these high and pointy shoes! Classy aren't they? But these, oh yes these, tough, strong and sturdy!! Perfect! Do you think they'll fit?"

I listen, and try not to scream no-no-no-no don't go! Stay little, get back in the box! Though she is running straight into her new adventure with sheer excitement. "Mommy! Look at me!" She seems to say as she spreads out her dreams before me. She doesn't see my fear. I hide it well in the back of the closet with the other things I never wear and do not want to give away.

Every shoe she turns over seems to fit. I can see her walking far and wide, even skipping maybe jumping too. Go darling go. Let me tie your shoe with a blue ribbon!

But oh the knot I have inside my throat.....

photo: Chelsea on New Year's day.

Comments

[HollyDoodleDesigns]

Oh Corey, tears streak down my cheeks as I read this post. Mine are only 4 and 17 months, but I know this day will come in the blink of an eye. This was so beautifully written.

[simple me]

Your daugther is beautiful and you are a beautiful mother.

[Toni Mason]

Oh Corey I know this feeling all to well!

[shelley Noble]

Oh, my, Corey, This post and all the others actually, as so wise and loving, so beautiful. sigh.

[MB]

Oh Corey, you said it so well. Those mixed feelings of pride and sadness all wrapped up in deep love. Those last two sentences are magnificent. And you know this is where I'll be before long, too.
xo

[annie]

now for the correct comment on this dear subject...this is such a bittersweet time...i have now gone through it 7 times...3 daughters...2 sons...and 2 sons that came with the sweet companion package...there is an excitement along with the heart tugs...she is beautiful...and with what you share i'm sure as a mother...what cherished words of wisdom and love she will have in her life backpack to take along with her wherever she may go...she is a lucky, lucky young woman! xo...annie

[annie]

your heart is so open and giving...that i don't blame her for seeking your ear/shoulder/heart to confide in! the native americans say...listen with the ear of your heart...and see with the eyes of your heart...something close to that...i love that visual! xo...annie

[Amber]

Are any of these shoes in California??

:)

[CathyC]

I know, and I can't stand it. As little as my kids are, I still catch pieces of the future every time they learn something new. Your daughter is very beautiful, BTW.

[susanna]

Awww...Corey, your daughter knows how much you love her. Just imagine the stories she's going to bring back home to you!

[Lorene Silva]

Corey,

I can't believe she is getting ready to go to college. Where does the time go? It must be very difficult but you will get through it. :) Maybe she won't go too far away.

Take Care
Lorene

[snowsparkle]

blue bowed shoes and the knot inside your throat! ah, corey! this sums it all up!

you are an amazing writer and an even more extraordinary mother! chelsea is a very lucky young woman!

[Gardengirl]

Oh Corey I know this feeling very well. Three of my children did a lot of travelling during the years leading up to the time they left the nest, so I was a little prepared. I cut the ribbon that linked all four of my children to me one by one, each of us still holding our half.

[Chantal]

Reading this beautiful post made me realize how my mother must have felt all those years ago when I found the best fitting shoes... in another country across the sea... Thank you Corey.

[Tara Larsen Chang]

They grow all too fast, don't they? I only have one more year left before my son does the same thing - and my daughter shortly after... I can't even think about it...

[meredith]

This post makes me want to hang on tight to my little ones. Oh, the idea that they might one day fly far away....

[Morgan]

Oh time goes so fast! I have an almost 2 year old and know that those days aren't far away! She is lucky to have a MaMa like you!

[Vanessa]

Today I visited with my parents. We went to an old Catholic mission in the hills...Last night we sat and sipped coffee chatting...And, as I got ready to leave, she squeezed me near and said, "it is so hard to see you go alone, but I know you are following your dreams and you are fine and safe..." That put a knot in my throat. My little brother just left home, and she is all alone with my dad...She is coping slowly...It breaks my heart to see that glimmer in her eye... the sign of a tear as she waves good-bye.

[Stephanie]

You will so enjoy this even though right now it does not seem possible. It becomes such a joy to watch these young women grow into their own...on their own.

[lisa]

My older baby graduates this year. I never dreamed it would be so hard to let go. My prayers are with you.

[Gypsy Purple-Chamara]

Oh how difficult to let go....why does it hurt so....you have built the dreams in her....

Chamara

[tut-tut]

Oh, I know, I know! You've expressed it beautifully. I went to a tea today, and a woman there said, "well, I saw your daughter last month, and she's certainly turned into quite a young woman!" This is a hard but thrilling time, nonetheless. Not to mention learning to drive . . .

[Pam Aries]

Your dinner post from yesterday sounds verrrry familiar! hee hee! ....The photo of your beautiful daughter is wonderful! I do not have children , but I am sure it is very difficult to let them go out into the world. I would probably have to move with them!

[patpaulk]

Well said Corey!! The fear and love of being a parent.

[Regina Clare Jane]

You have a beautiful daughter and with you as her mom, Corey, I know you will always be in her heart wherever she goes- as she will be in yours...

[Linda Harre]

Corey.........I was simply devestated when my first left for the University. It took me at least 4 months to get control of myself. Of course, he wasn't to know of any of it....for he would have been home in a flash to make me happy! Once he was gone....he too flurished and grew and is a successful loving husband and father of twins. Also, still a wonderful son!

[Marie-Noëlle]

Many mothers would love to see their daughters trying new shoes on a university tour rather than on a shoe-shop crawl in town !
Your Chelsea will "never keep her two feet in one clog" (=she is a resourceful girl) and will make her own way through, sure...
So you can put your slippers on, Corey, and set your mind at rest...
You can also get your shoe polish ready... (just in case).

[herhimnbryn]

Let them go dear C, and they will always come back.

[[a}]

Awww...!

[nel]

...and she is beautiful your Chelsea, a beautiful, young woman.

[nel]

Beck is finishing her final year of high school and is talking of going overseas for a year! Part of me is so excited for her but the other part...oh, that hurts and wants to hold on with everything I have. The biggest knots in my stomach! But fly she will, and like Chelsea, she will be fine because they know they have a loving nest to come back to whenever they need to or desire. Thinking of you Corey...Nel

[naturegirl]

Oh how I know this knot you experience! When my daughter went away to university.. I was emotional for months as she was my baby...but as time went on I saw her blossom into a young women each time I saw her during visits...now she is married.Fly from the ~nest~ little one.
hugs..you'll be ok

[naturegirl]

Oh how I know this knot you experience! When my daughter went away to university.. I was emotional for months as she was my baby...but as time went on I saw her blossom into a young women each time I saw her during visits...now she is married.Fly from the ~nest~ little one.
hugs..you'll be ok

[Carol]

Awe Corey I so understand how you feel because I'm just going to the same things whith my daughter. Chelsea will sure have a fantastic future!I'm wishing her all the best xox

[Kristen R]

Corey I cannot imagine the feelings that are stirred within your heart at this time....I look at my 5 year old in wonder wishing I could turn the clock back if only a bit to hold onto the moments that have disappeared all too quickly.

XO
Kristen

[Sheba]

I've got tears in my eyes .. I still see her (she's almost two) gazing up at the manniquins in Bloomingdale's as if they were her new best friends. You and I observe bemusedly from a careful distance. The ever perceptive mother whispers to me "She thinks they're real"

Corey Responds:

PS Sheba is my first cousin. She is Sacha's budda mere and Chelsea's confirmation sponser.

[Jeanne]

Oh how this post tugs at my heart strings. With two of our children residing in Asia and I who lived for my family and family time to say it leaves a lonely empitness that nothing can fill is an understatement.
Many are so happy when their children leave the nest,
me I would have them all live in my home forever.
Giggles.
I love love love my family!
Big hugs

[sheila]

Still your baby, but now a beautiful young woman. We give them wings to fly, but are afraid when they leave the nest..
she will spread her wings, soar and return often. Through her you will discover a new world..
Smooth your feathers Momma and watch her fly..
Hugs
xx

[diana]

me too... I went thru this a year ago.... so hard for both of us.. but it is so much fun to see them bloom into young adults and they still come home to do a little shoe shopping. xoxo

[Cat]

Letting go is soooo hard! As she walks out in confidence, your heart must swell knowing you have done your job well! Life is so full of bitter-sweets!

[Shannon]

Oh mama. Here is your daughter entering the best years of her life, and you are entering a bit of your saddest :)

If it makes you feel less alone, I came home from college to see my brother's and my childhood toys sitting on a bookshelf...no books...only toys.

I thought my mom lost it, but realized she just missed us.

[Anonymouse]

Oh Cinderella!
You are très bella.
Does the glass slipper fit?
Just do it!

[phyllis]

Naturally she should choose the university with the best Marche au Puces nearby, n'est pas?

[berrie]

moms around the globe surely can relate to this:) How beautiful you've made it all sound! Hang in there C...before you know it you'll be in the middle of this new chapter! xo

[Penny]

Oh this is so hard. My son went right into the Army after high school - a kid who was on the Dean's list -- go figure. Anyway, he went to basic training and we couldn't even communicate with him for awhile. Oh my gosh - it was like he dropped off the face of the earth and took my heart with him!!

[Pauline Clarke]

Ah, the push/pull love of motherhood. How well you express it. Chelsea's a lovely young woman and as smart as her Mama it would seem. No worries, Tica. (Unless, of course, she meets that dazzling young fellow Paolo Nutini and buys some new shoes...)

[constance]

It's a good thing I don't have children. I'm a wimp, and this would be really difficult for me. But my Mom, she was thrilled when I left for college. Not only for me but for herself. It still makes me smile and muse. How dare her be happy that I was leaving. Hah! She always had her own world too. She loves to create and paint and was happy that I was at that phase in my life. I love that about her!! I try to suport my friends who do have children moving on to the next faze. I think it is great that you have your Blog and other creative outlets. It's important to remember who you are.

[sognatrice]

Gorgeous picture, gorgeous post. Tie those shoes tightly and remember to breathe :)

[darla]

When my daughters were growing up I was always excited for them and with them as they took next step. It's my granddaughter that I want to keep in the box. Blink! Where did that baby go?

[cruststation]

I just love how you used shoes as a metaphor to describe the path Chelsea has to take. I can only imagine how difficult it is to let go and see her fly into the world. Imagine if you'd decided to keep her in the box? I'm sure you know the best for her in your heart, and I can see from the photo that she is confident, self-assured, looking forward to the adventures ahead of her, you must be proud.