French Laundry

Frenchusband came home with a twinkle in his eye; handing me a note that had the name and phone number of someone I didn't know.

"A certain Monsieur wants you to decorate his home on the French Rivera, and possibly other properties he owns! He wants you to call him today." Saying this his face beamed brighter than the moon on the Mediterranean!

Frenchhusband is my biggest fan, he thinks I could redecorate Versailles, he thinks my fingers are golden, he thinks way too much of how I can fold fitted bedsheets and put the linens away.

I look at him and then the note. I lick my lips wondering what this is about.

"Call him now!" Frenchhusband says as he nearly shoves the phone down my throat with excitement.

Words stumble through my head in French, my heart beats faster, my fingers wiggle, I awkwardly smile at the plunge I am about to take.

Dialing the number a woman's voice greets me. Introducing myself my American accent gives more than I want it too. Silence lingers...I swallow doubt, a thought races through my head, "HANG UP!!" I stay on the line chasing nonsense out of my intuition. Finally after ages of silence that occurs in a split second, that only mathematicians can explain, the woman barks at me,"WHAT!!! What, what??? Who are you??? What has my Husband done??? WHAT??? NO! Oh no no no no!! Certainly not!"

I wanted to say I am not his mistress. Somehow that is what I think she thought.

Folding fitted sheets and putting the linens away is a simple art for my bedroom closet. One man's admiration is enough. Talk about lost in translation, or misplaced in the dirty laundry!

Comments

[mad]

I love this, the linenes, the story, the truth-- Thank you for sharing yourself here--Glad to have found eachother.
:)
mad

[snowsparkle]

ah! this is so perfectly written... the risk, the confusion, the silence on the other end of the line. priceless! love it!

[Shelley Flow Blue]

I just love reading your Blog each morning, I wish you wrote 2 or 3 a day. Some of your comments just crack me up, I could just see you trying to talk to the wife and getting misunderstood.

[cally]

oh what a wonderful story, will be a good moment in the movie of your life!

I'm enjoying our mutual appreciation of each others sites.

[Beth]

Oh poor you! Where did French husband find this mysterious gentleman? Obviously he (Riviera man)and his wife were not on the same wavelength.

She would never have been so rude if she'd seen what you do!

[Wenda Nairn]

I would love to know the other side of the story and whether there will be more to your side when/if French Husband talks again to the other man.

[~Vicki]

you can come decorate my house anytime! i love the wonderful goodies too...they've arrived!!

[Nicole]

French husband -

I'm American, remember? We are much more direct than that ;)

[angela]

oh corey... i had such a array of emotions reading this. the celebration of reading about being asked to decorate, the initial disappointment in the wife's response and then the giggle of the review in my mind.

i hope it's something you're smiling about too... and maybe she just has to overcome her initial shock and they'll get back to you?

i think your decorating would be magical... just even seeing your finds or reading your moments is magical.

and yes... one day. on a flea market road trip.

oxo

angela.

[Michelle Caplan]

Corey, Corey, Corey! Who knew you where such a temptress!?! ;) I would hang up too. . . from intimidation! That poor lady could probably sense your stunning sensibility thru the phone line!!
Thank you for the laugh! This is a good one!

[Dianne Schwartz]

Can you teach me to fold fitted sheets? My sheets always end up looking like big balls that have to be flattened. Martha Stewart, I'm not!!!

[lyn]

Ha ha - Whoops !

Your linens and photographs are beautiful.

[French husband]

Nicole,
Please, don't even ask Corey if you could decorate our house !!! ;-)
FH

[diana]

OOOOOh I'll bet there is
a riviera french monsieur who received a tongue lashing.... love love the linens.. I want to touch them!

[expatraveler]

You make the linens look so pretty. But what happened? Did the man call back or is it going to be never again do I call?

Once with my accent, a frenchman didn't want to understand me. I feel like that is what happened to you. I resent people thinking that way though... It's not fun for us.

[la vie en rose]

HA! funny story. ahhhh...but what the frenchhusband sees in you...the talent, the uniqueness...it's there...that much is not lost...

[Nicole]

oh my goodness! Who knew that "I'd like to decorate your house" was the new code for "I'm sleeping with your husband"?

[andrea]

HA! I am trying so hard not to laugh...in a good way. You are such a delightful read and I can imagine this whole scene being played out.
a.

[Toni]

Oh, that made me laugh! Goodness, that poor lady has some issues to deal with!

Love the stacks of white linens...ahhh. As a mama of 5, I don't do white too often. I miss it!

[jennifer Mayer]

oh my GOODness...how awkward. i hope frenchhusband cuddled your spirit after that phone call. do update us with further installments of this saga should there be any. hopefully irrate madame's husband will explain and she will apologize...(on her hands and knees) and you will soon be in your decorating glory earning some lovely euros!!!! :)

[Josephine]

Oh my goodness! That's just too funny, and too sad! Poor lady on the other end of the tele.

And, it leaves me wondering, when I become rich and famous, will you come and lend your artistic eye to my villa on the Sea of Marmara?

:)

[berriehead]

OH DRATS! well...her loss maybe? i think you should call back hon! do it today;o) you certainly have gorgeous tastes! american or not;)

[susan]

ooh la la, someone on the other end is in a tizzy!
love the linens! makes my laundry feel bearable today.

[Ulla]

Corey, I would hire you in a heart-beat if I could afford you!!! You have many many admirers all across the globe, if only this woman had know who your real worth... just as well, she doesn't deserve you!

[Holly]

Corey,
You can not imagine the emotions that you make your readers feel. With each and every word... you have the ability to lift and pull feelings from us that come from deep within our souls. You are truely gifted. You are a jewl within our crowns and we follow you with passion.

[blackbird]

gah!
I hate situations like that...
he admires your way and bragged to this man about you, yes?

those are gorgeous linens - and nicely folded.

[Meredith]

I love sleeping over at my MIL house just because of her sheets. She has sheets just like you've shown in this photo.

[Shannon Lewis]

This is hysterical!!!! And here you proud as a peacock husband unwittingly hands you over to a couple with a suspect relationship.

This is rich :)

What did Yann say after all was said and done?

[jann mumford]

I wanted to hear about the rest of that conversation! I can only imagine your voice starting to quiver as she barked at you.........and how you wished you were in the "laundry room" and not on the phone......